I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Randomize
