singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
