I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
