do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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