ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
