She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
