she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
