so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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