She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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