Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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