Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
