if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
