your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
