I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
