they need to just BURY HIM!
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Randomize
