Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
