we have officially lost it.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
