420 ftw
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
