i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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