well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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