I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
