I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
