hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
