my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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