He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
