Just cropdusted the office
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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