I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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