How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
