that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
