I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
We're like a lot better than the average bears
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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