hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
id be glad to
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
