This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
