I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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