she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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