So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
