i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Alive.
So much puke
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
