we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
