Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
