I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
