i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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