I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
