Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
