Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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