The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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