my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
