Are we in a gay sports bar?
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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