So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
She's better-looking with the mask on.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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