OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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