Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
