Sorry, I don't speak sober.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
