dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
